To My Muse
September 2004

"The Muse Terpsichore" by Eustache Le Sueur, 1652-55, Louvre Gallery Paris

I have waited more than my lifetime
For my Muse to come along.

At first, my soul dreamed of grand
Meetings, and electric encounters:
Serenades, and signs, synchronicities,
And songs, so my heart held no doubt.

My memory fails me, when I try to
Remember a time that I did not
Yearn for an Anam Cara on the journey
Of my life - a true Soul-friend.

From early on, Truths about
How things really are, came from
Within me - yet it took some years
Before I could grasp what they meant.

A silver screen played in my mind,
Day and night. I starred in the story
Of my life, with my beloved at
My side - hand in hand.

Yet, those stories never had a
Happy ending - for always deep
Down, my essence knew that
Fairy-tales never came true.

Late at night, I would craft
Works, of verse, and of
Song - all my soul would
Go into my arts.

I never knew that I would face
Such loneliness, and such harrow.
But then, nobody chooses unrequitement -
It chooses them...

I got angry at the world, I would
Cry late into the night - feeling such
Cold fire within - screaming out
For my beloved - any beloved - to cure me

Of the disease, that ate the lightness
Of my being.
I was so afraid of the dark - even
In the day, I couldn't stop it's harsh

Progress - trembling and shaking,
Surely one soul shouldn't be able
To take this suffrage, let alone
Deserve it?

Such was the honesty, and intention
Of my quest - all that I sought was
To open the eyes that were closed,
Through the arts, that my Muse

Would inspire me to form,
From the awe of her beauty,
The passion of her hold,
And the kindness of her lips.

But where could I find her?
My soul came up against such
A dreadful opposition - it was
Punished for what it was outside,

Even by those who claimed that
Only that which lied beneath the
Surface truly mattered.
In these times, it felt so alone.

How could it find a chance to
Extol it's true nature - a deep
And rare goodness, that so
Many look for, yet so few find?

Where others might have half-a-heart;
It would give every beat, and every
Drop of life unto it's beloved -
We would share a special vinculum.

Where others might never find a
Steadfast connection - always moving
On unfulfilled; it would stay with
Loyalty and veracity - to the end and beyond.

Where they just say words and
Promise deeds out of love's expectation;
My soul would fill it's liebling's life,
With a dedication of spirit.

Where they just argue, and fight;
I would learn about myself from looking
Into my Muse's eyes, and share with
Each other The Most Gentle Softness.

And where others plainly cheat, lie,
Deceive, forsake and take for granted;
My Muse would never face any of
The disappointments they dish out.

Many years have passed, since that
Which was within my soul awakened,
Knowing from beyond, that a special
Task on this Earth awaited it:

To walk the path of my life, with
A special love in my heart, shared
With a special love by my side,
Sharing that love with the world;

To together open those dreary eyes,
That so long for some light and hope.
To heal a little of the darkness that
Has engulfed so much of our lives;

To perhaps bring an enlightened
Life into the world, to continue
The good work, once together
We left for beyond;

But first to wish, with every fibre, every
Drop of essence, every thought, every
Hope, every dream, every deed, that
One day, my Muse would find me...

I prayed to the universe, to Goddess,
That my wish might be fulfilled.
Finally I have found you,
Will you be my Muse?